I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize