There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
