if you like me you must not know who I am
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
