Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
