I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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