FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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