I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
