Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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