Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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