my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
