i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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