We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
