Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
