I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Found your dick twin last night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
