and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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