Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
