It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
