the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
