Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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