I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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