Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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