Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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