I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
