When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
