You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
