Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
