this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
