I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
