i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
