I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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