Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
