I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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