Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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