You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
