Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
