apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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