There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Boobs speak an international language.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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