He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
