Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
