I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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