i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
what day is it and did you see me today?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
