My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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