Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So many bounce houses so little time
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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