you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
