well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know her cup size but not her name....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
