They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
