i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
