PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
