Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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