Rock
Scissors
Fuck
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
