Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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