just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize