operation harelip BJ is a go
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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