He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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