Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
