Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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