the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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