I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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