It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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