My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize