we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize