No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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