You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
