I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
