my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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