I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
