i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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