At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
