I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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