drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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