Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
