There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize