i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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