Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
