I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
